For this article, we used resources from the Safety Net Project at the National Network to End Domestic Violence. They offer practical technology safety tips for survivors.
In part 1 of this series, we looked at how technology-facilitated abuse (TFA) is mainly about control, not the technology itself.
TFA often happens through the device we carry everywhere: our phone. It’s not always a problem if a partner knows your location. But if someone keeps asking where you are, questions your movements, expects instant replies, or knows things you haven’t shared, technology might be part of a bigger pattern of monitoring and control.
Phones store a lot of personal information, like conversations, photos, locations, contacts, financial details, social media, email, and access to many other accounts. If someone gets into your phone, an account linked to it, or information shared through an app, they might use it to monitor, harass, manipulate, or control you.
Start With What They Seem to Know
If you’re worried about your phone or accounts, you don’t need to figure out right away how someone is getting your information. Focus on the pattern first.
What does the person seem to know?
- Do they know where you’ve been when you haven’t told them?
- Do they know who you’ve called, texted, or messaged?
- Do they know details from private messages or conversations?
- Do they refer to searches, photos, appointments, or other information you haven’t shared?
- Do they seem to know when you leave or arrive somewhere?
- Have they made comments or threats suggesting that they are watching what you do?
There are different ways someone might get your information. They could have used your phone, an account linked to it, information from an app, or even heard it from a friend or family member. The first step isn’t to solve the technical details. It’s to notice the pattern.
Think Beyond the Phone Itself
Your smartphone connects to more than just the device itself. It may link to your Apple or Google account, wireless carrier, email, social media, banking apps, cloud storage, photos, calendars, family services, and apps that use or share your location.
Someone may have used your phone in the past. They don’t need to have your phone right now to access information linked to it. If something feels off, think about the bigger picture: Who has had access to your phone or accounts? What is connected to your phone? And what does the other person seem to know?
Many online accounts let you see which phones, computers, tablets, or other devices are signed in. This can help you spot access you didn’t know about. But if you think someone is monitoring you, don’t rush to remove an unfamiliar device. Changing things can sometimes alert the other person, so think about your safety before making changes. In part 4 of this series, we’ll look more closely at how to think through technology changes and build a safer digital plan. You can also contact an FSC advocate at any point for individualized support.
“In our work managing technology and security for businesses, we consistently see the same pattern behind unauthorized access: it’s rarely a stranger breaking in. It’s someone with legitimate access using it in a way it was never intended. That pattern holds true well beyond the business world. Recognizing it matters more than understanding the technical mechanism behind it,” – Chandler Bice, Vice President of Service Operations at Shaw Technology.
Your Location May Be Shared in More Than One Place
Phones and apps often use your location for things like directions, weather, deliveries, social media, and other services.
Location may also be shared through family accounts, family-location services, wireless carrier features, or other apps designed to help people stay connected.
These tools are usually fine when everyone is okay with sharing. But if someone keeps checking where you are, questions your movements, or pressures you to keep sharing your location, it can turn into another way to monitor and control you.
Sometimes we share our location on purpose and forget it’s still on. Other times, someone might have access to an account or service without you knowing.
If someone often knows where you are without you telling them, location sharing could be the reason.
If Your Phone Is on a Shared Wireless Account
For some survivors, sharing a cell phone plan can give the other person more control. They might be the main account holder, even though you rely on your phone number for work, healthcare, family, and support.
The federal Safe Connections Act may allow qualifying survivors of domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault, stalking, human trafficking, and certain related crimes to separate their phone line from a shared wireless account. In some circumstances, a survivor may also be able to separate the line of someone in their care while keeping the existing phone number.
We’ll share more about how to safely separate digital connections in part 4 of this series: Before You Disconnect: A Technology Safety Plan.
Next: Technology Can Do More Than Watch You
Phones and accounts can show a lot of information about you. But technology-facilitated abuse is not just about monitoring.
In the next article, Beyond Tracking: When Technology Interferes With Everyday Life, we’ll look at how digital access can affect a survivor’s home, transportation, finances, identity, and relationships.
Learn More
For more details about phone monitoring, accounts, location sharing, and privacy, visit the Safety Net Project’s Survivors’ Guide to Phones: Increasing Privacy & Responding to Abuse.
If you need help or resources, call our 24-hour hotline at 334-263-0218 or visit us at 858 South Court Street, Monday to Friday, 8:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.
Technology-Facilitated Abuse Series
Part 1: Technology Abuse Is About Control, Not Technology
Part 2: Is Someone Monitoring Your Phone or Accounts? Start Here
Part 3: Beyond Tracking: When Technology Interferes With Everyday Life