In this series, we’ve explored what technology-facilitated abuse can look like, how phones and connected accounts can reveal personal information, and how digital access can be used in many ways beyond just monitoring.
If you’ve recognized something familiar along the way, your next question may be: What do I do now?
You might want to delete apps, change passwords, close accounts, or disconnect devices right away. But if technology is part of ongoing abuse, making changes can sometimes have unexpected results. The other person might notice they lost access. You could lose information you need later. Or you might accidentally lock yourself out of something important.
This is why it’s important to make a technology safety plan before you disconnect anything. You don’t need to solve everything right now. Start with what matters most for your safety and independence, and take it step by step.
Start With What Is Happening
Instead of worrying about every device, app, and password, focus on what you have actually noticed. What is your biggest concern right now?
Is someone repeatedly showing up where you are? Do they seem to know information you haven’t shared? Are you being locked out of accounts? Is someone interfering with your money, vehicle, or home technology? Are you receiving threats? Is someone threatening to share private or sexual images, demanding money or additional images, or using personal information against you?
Then think about what could affect your safety most.
- Could this interfere with your ability to call someone or ask for help?
- Could it affect where you live or your ability to get somewhere safe?
- Could it keep you from accessing money, benefits, or healthcare?
- Could it affect your children or others in your care?
- Is someone threatening you or using information or images to pressure you?
- What parts of your digital life do you need to keep access to?
You might find that one issue needs your attention now, while others can wait. You don’t have to fix every technology problem all at once.
Think About Where You’re Making Your Plan
If you think someone might have access to your phone, computer, or online accounts, consider if it’s safe to use those devices to research or make changes. If you can, use a device the other person has never accessed. This could be a trusted friend’s phone, a work computer, or any device you feel is safer.
You don’t always have to stop using your current device. Sometimes, it’s safer to keep using it while you make plans on another device. What matters most is to consider who might see what you’re doing before you start making changes.
Before You Delete It, Think About Documentation
A threatening text arrives. Someone sends you dozens of unwanted messages. Your account suddenly changes. An alarm or connected device behaves strangely again. You might want to delete the message, block the person, or reset your device right away.
Before you do, think about whether you might want a record of what happened. Keeping documentation can help you notice patterns over time. It can also be helpful if you decide to talk to an advocate, report the situation, seek a protection order, or involve law enforcement later.
Depending on what is happening, documentation might include:
- dates and times of incidents;
- threatening or harassing messages;
- screenshots or photographs;
- account or login notifications;
- profiles, usernames, payment demands, or other account information;
- photographs or video of unexpected device behavior; or
- brief notes describing what happened and what technology was involved.
However, your immediate safety is always more important than documentation.
Some apps can notify someone else if you take a screenshot or record your screen. If you’re not sure, or if you think documenting could alert the person causing harm, talk to an advocate before you do it. The Safety Net Project’s Documentation Tips for Survivors provides much more detailed guidance about safely documenting technology abuse.
Decide What Needs Your Attention First
Once you have a clearer picture of what is happening, you can begin thinking about the digital connections that matter most to your safety and everyday life. You don’t need to list every device you own. Instead, think about the areas of your life that are connected through technology.
Communication: Your phone, email, and messaging accounts may be how you reach family, friends, employers, advocates, and other people you trust. Ask yourself who may have access and what would happen if that access changed.
Location: Phones, family-location services, shared accounts, connected vehicles, Bluetooth trackers, and other apps or devices may collect or share location information. If you’re worried about location tracking, focus first on the connections that most affect your immediate safety before changing or disconnecting everything.
If you find a tracker or something monitoring your location, you don’t have to remove it right away. Think about whether changing it could alert the other person, and document what you found when it’s safe.
Money and Essential Services: Online banking, payment apps, credit accounts, benefits, healthcare portals, and other services may be essential to everyday life. If someone else has access or control, consider what you need to keep available before you change any shared accounts.
Home and Transportation: Smart locks, cameras, alarms, thermostats, speakers and voice assistants, connected vehicles, and other devices can affect your physical surroundings, privacy, and ability to get where you need to go. If someone’s access is affecting your home or transportation, this may be more urgent than dealing with an account that is only inconvenient and doesn’t affect your immediate safety.
Shared and Family Accounts: Wireless plans, cloud accounts, shared calendars, family accounts, family-location services, and children’s devices can keep people digitally connected long after a relationship or living arrangement has changed. Consider which connections you still need and which you no longer need.
Your Identity, Images, and Online Life: Social media accounts, photographs, private or sexual images, and other personal information can also be used to embarrass, impersonate, threaten, pressure, or exploit someone. If this is happening to you, specialized resources can help. You don’t have to handle image-based abuse or online impersonation alone.
Changing a Password May Not End Someone’s Access
Changing your password can help secure an account, but it might not block every way someone could get back in.
Many accounts allow you to see which phones, computers, tablets, or other devices are currently signed in. They may also use a recovery email address or phone number to help you regain access if you forget your password.
If someone else used to have access to your account, they might still have a device connected or their contact info listed as a recovery option. When it’s safe, check which devices are signed in and review recovery information to see who still has access.
If you see something you don’t recognize, try to document it before making any changes. Removing a device or changing recovery info could let the other person know their access has changed.
Safety Does Not Always Mean Disconnecting
One of the most important things to remember is that being safer doesn’t always mean giving up your technology.
Your phone may be how you reach people you trust. Your vehicle may be how you get to work. Your banking app may be how you access money. Social media may connect you with family and friends. Technology may be part of your job, your healthcare, or how you care for your children. Technology might be used as part of the abuse, but it can still be something you need.
The purpose of a technology safety plan isn’t to disappear from your digital life. It’s to figure out where someone else’s access might affect your safety or choices and decide what you want to change. Before you make a change, ask yourself: What might happen if this person loses access?
You might decide that some connections need to change right away. Others might be safer to handle later. Some changes may need help from your wireless carrier, bank, technology company, or another organization.
There’s no single right order that works for everyone. There isn’t one correct order that works for every survivor.
If Your Phone Is Tied to Someone Else’s Account
In part 2 of this series, we talked about shared wireless accounts and the federal Safe Connections Act. If your phone line is part of an account controlled by someone else, the Safe Connections Act may allow qualifying survivors to request that their wireless provider separate their line from the shared account. In some circumstances, a survivor may also be able to separate a line belonging to someone in their care while keeping the existing phone number.
If this applies to you, review Is Someone Monitoring Your Phone or Accounts? Start Here or visit the National Resource Center on Cybercrimes’ Safe Connections Act Survivor Guide for more detailed information.
Before you ask for a change, think about how it could affect your safety and if you want help deciding when to do it.
If Private or Sexual Images Are Being Used Against You
If someone is threatening to share a private sexual image, demanding money or more sexual content, has already shared an image without your consent, or is using an altered or AI-generated sexual image to hurt you, there is specialized help available. If you are facing sextortion, try to save the person’s profile, messages, threats, payment demands, or other information when it’s safe. You don’t have to deal with these threats or demands by yourself.
If the image or video was taken when the person pictured was under 18, the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children’s Take It Down service may help limit its online spread. You do not have to upload the image to NCMEC. NCMEC advises people not to download or share an explicit image just to use the service.
Adults dealing with nonconsensual intimate images can also find specialized support through the Cyber Civil Rights Initiative Safety Center and StopNCII.org. StopNCII.org is designed for adults who were 18 or older when the image or video was taken.
An FSC advocate can help you identify resources that fit what you are experiencing and think through the safety-planning questions before you make changes.
You Don’t Have to Make a Plan Alone
Technology abuse can feel overwhelming since so many parts of daily life are connected. You don’t have to know everything about every device, app, or account before you ask for help.
Start with what you know:
- What is happening?
- What concerns you most?
- What do you need to keep access to?
- And what could happen if something changes?
We can help you talk through these questions and look at options based on your situation. We can support you with safety planning. For step-by-step instructions on a specific device, account, or technology, organizations that focus on technology safety can help with the technical details.
Additional Resources
You don’t have to handle every account, device, and setting by yourself. If you want more detailed information, these resources can help.
Safety Net Project: Technology Safety Plan
A survivor-focused guide to thinking through technology abuse, safer devices, privacy, and the possible consequences of making changes.
Safety Net Project: Securing Devices & Accounts
Guidance on account and device security, including connected accounts, passwords, privacy settings, and other security considerations for survivors.
Stalking Prevention, Awareness & Resource Center: Stalking Documentation Log
A resource for keeping track of stalking behaviors and incidents over time.
Cyber Civil Rights Initiative Safety Center
Resources and direct support for survivors experiencing image-based sexual abuse, sextortion, and other forms of nonconsensual intimate-image abuse.
Information for young people, families, and trusted adults about sextortion, reporting, preserving evidence, and getting help.
A free service that may help limit the online spread of nude, partially nude, or sexually explicit images or videos taken when the person pictured was under 18.
A free tool for eligible adults seeking help with the online sharing of nonconsensual intimate images.
Polaris: Human Trafficking and Social Media
Research and guidance on how traffickers can misuse social media for recruitment, exploitation, monitoring, and control, and how survivors also use these platforms for connection and support.
One Last Thing
In this series, we’ve discussed phones and accounts, location sharing and trackers, smart homes and connected vehicles, financial accounts, social media, online exploitation, sextortion, image-based abuse, and other parts of our connected lives.
Technology will keep changing, but the main question stays the same: Is someone using technology to take away your privacy, independence, safety, or choices?
If you think the answer is yes, you don’t need to know exactly how it’s happening before you ask for help. You also don’t have to fix everything before reaching out for support.
Technology should help keep you safe, not give someone else control over you.
For resources or help, call Family Sunshine Center’s 24-hour resource hotline at 334-263-0218 or visit us at 858 South Court Street, Monday-Friday, 8:30 a.m.-4:30 p.m.
Technology-Facilitated Abuse Series
Part 1: Technology Abuse Is About Control, Not Technology
Part 2: Is Someone Monitoring Your Phone or Accounts? Start Here
Part 3: Beyond Tracking: When Technology Interferes With Everyday Life
Part 4: Before You Disconnect: A Technology Safety Plan